Psalm 27:4 "One thing have I desired; that will I seek after. That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life."

Posts tagged ‘soul’

Summer Days

Well, here I sit.  I have a mountain of things I could be doing, should be doing, really NEED to be doing – and I sit.  It’s summer.  The closest thing to summer I’m going to get.  And I sit.  I’m dreaming of lazy summer days with a good book and a shady porch (I’m staring out the window at the sunshine and a sunny lawn).  I can hear screen doors slamming, the distant sound of a quiet (they really used to be that way) radio, and the sounds of people laughing and splashing in the lake.  Now that was summer.

My summer looks more like this:  graduation; wisdom teeth; Pow Wow; Camp Meeting; Life Group; summer camp; trip to grandparents; swim lessons/school/tomatoes.  Yep.  That is June, July and August on the funny farm, I mean, hobby farm.  And here I sit.  I need to be thinking and planning for next school year.  But, hey, THIS school year hasn’t even wrapped up yet; who wants to think about the next one?  I’ll only have two students – and I’ll have to sit on them night and day to get their work done.  My easiest one will be off to college.  Maybe I procrastinate because I left my shopping list notebook at my BFF’s after the garage sale last weekend.  Or maybe I’m just procrastinating!

Or it could just be sadness in my soul.  The family is taking some hard emotional hits right now.  Joel’s dad has stage-4 cancer and the depleted lung function and pain seem to be getting worse quickly.  That’s not something we want to face this summer, or ever.  So, concern for my mother-in-law and having to find emergency animal and pet care are a small, but weighty, burden added to the summer.  Then I found out yesterday that my cousin’s 32-year old son passed away suddenly on Sunday.  So young, not even married a year, and a bright future in front of him.  Hard to believe.  One of the very few college graduates in my family.

But lows also come with highs and Kristen and her IEA team made the front page of the little local paper yesterday!  A great picture of the girls and their coaches and a really nice article.  We are so SO proud of “The Little Team That Did”!  Can’t wait to get my team t-shirt when they get back.  And one of the girls’ national sponsors gave them each gorgeous hats from their company.  LOVE THEM!  The team members are off to Oklahoma City today and Kristen is stuck here helping in the barn.  It hurts so badly that we couldn’t go with them.  But she has her Daisy at home and her Daisy at the barn and that helps a little.

Time to shake the cobwebs loose and readjust my brain molecules.  Thanks for listening!

That’s What’s Reflecting on the Pond Today.

 

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Rest for my Soul

It’s been a pretty rough week.  Last Wednesday I went to the doctor for what I thought was adrenal fatigue.  She walked in the room, asked how I was, and I started sobbing.  Hmmmm.  She said what she thinks is going on is really stress-induced depression.  She agreed to run some bloodwork and I agreed to start an anti-depressant.  I wish I could say it was a wonder drug that made me feel as happy as prednizone does.  I spent 4 days with a churning stomach and a week of not sleeping well and not wanting to get off of the couch.  Last night at 5pm I got a burst of energy that had me going until 10:30.  I slept well for the 2nd night in a row.

Emotionally I feel pretty neutral.  Not too high, not low, just steady.  I’m a pretty emotional person, usually upbeat.  This nothingness is really strange.

Back at the beginning of the year when I felt like I was starting on a new adventure and taking that 1st step on the journey of a thousand miles, depression was NOT the journey I thought I was facing!  I have a piece of paper beside my bed that I wrote at the beginning of 2013 that says, “Above all else, my God is FAITHFUL!”.  I know that through out whatever lies ahead -medication, counselling- God is with me.  He holds me with His right hand and helps me.  He loves me unconditionally and will see me through each and every step on this journey.  He will make me strong again.  He will cause me to mount up with wings as an eagle.  I will not grow weary in well-doing.  I will not faint along the way.

Two weeks ago before I’d been to the doctor and while I was feeling overwhelmed and incapable I thought of Jesus words in Matthew 11:28-30 (okay, I had to hunt it down, but I did remember reading it in Matthew)  “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

And That’s What’s Happening on the Hobby Farm

P.S.  Kristen took Present away from me; she said the pig is a bad influence on me.

Starving

I had an epiphany today.  Don’t you just love light bulb moments?  I met with the accountant this morning and then ran to the jeweler to get my bling cleaned & a watch battery, good thing I went too because I had a stone loose in my anniversary band.  I just love the folks at Jared ( sigh, he went to Jared) 🙂

Anyway, after I did the have-tos, I went to JoAnn to see if I could find a piece of craft plywood for a project I want to do – that actually translates as more stuff to put into my fancy pants new sewing room.  You should see my room two months later – piling up just like before because no matter how good my intentions are, I just don’t have time, energy, warmth (in the room), or want to to get back there and start working on something.  And everything I removed to get rid of is back in there because we decided we just HAVE  to break down and have a garage sale this summer.  Ugh, Ugh, UGH!

So, all of that to say:  I bought a magazine – HGTV Magazine.  Me buying a magazine is nothing new; I’m a magazine Junkie!  I love to buy magazines.  But, I’ve never bought THIS magazine before.  Because we don’t have cable or satellite TV  I  don’t watch HGTV, so the magazine was a newbie for me.   I took myself off to Cosi for a Tuscan Pesto Chicken Sandwich and raspberry iced tea and opened up my new magazine.  I LIKE it!  It’s inspiring!  It’s creative and tasteful & full of bright colors – which everyone needs this time of year and especially after the winter we’ve been having here in the Midwest.

And after my solo lunch with my new friend, er, magazine, I decided to skip Whole Foods (hey, I can buy milk at Kroger) and go to Hobby Lobby.  I walked in the front door, turned left and for 35 wonderful, blessed minutes I wandered around the store and let myself be inspired.  I breathed in the creativity and the beauty of decor and supplies.  And when I left I new what has been wrong with me.  Well, part of what’s been wrong with me anyway.

My soul is starving.  Not my spiritual soul, though I’m sure it can always use more food than I give it, but my creative soul.  I’m famished, hungry, STARVING for a creative outlet.  I’m so desperate to be making something beautiful, fulfilling, celebratory, or just plain new and useful.  I know I finished stitching Kurt’s stocking and I’m about 2/3 of the way finished with my new barn and bought a wedding sampler that will need to be done in the fall for Karra’s BFF, but somehow cross stitch just isn’t as fulfilling to my creative needs as sewing or painting and crafting.

I wish I could say my epiphany came with a big lightening bolt of ideas on how to find the time to feed my creative soul, but alas, it did not.  But don’t they say that identifying the problem is the first step to solving it?  So, now that I realize that I NEED that creative time the trick will be coming up with creative ways to steal that time.  Let’s face it between the kid’s school, the animals, the usual cooking, cleaning, laundry, church, upcoming garden, basement/garage/workshop cleaning, and that necessary summer garage sale, I’m a rather busy gal!

And speaking of starving, I can hear SugarBelle demanding her supper.

And That’s What’s Reflecting on the Pond today.

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