Trying to Let Go

I’m sitting here at 11:30pm trying to let go of all of the “stuff” on my mind – not to mention suffering some heartburn from a wonderful pork chop dinner.

We were at our local resale shop today and I overheard that they might need some help which got me thinking that maybe it would help us get some bills paid if I got a part-time job. Maybe two days a week. I emailed my Mom and a couple of trusted friends to pray for me over the next week and as soon as I hit “send” I started looking at all of the reasons I shouldn’t. I’m supposed to be homeschooling my kids! I know that a lot of homeschool families have a Mom that works, so it is doable. The girls immediately freak out about how much other stuff I have to do (um, when’s the last time I actually DID dust the house?) I started looking at dr. appts. & orthodontist appts. and how would I stay on top of things?  Would it overwhelm me now that I’m starting to have more energy and am feeling better?  Would it be more trouble then anticipated – like Lexi?  (Oh, I love that dog, but she is a disobedient handful!  And she barks the world awake in the morning talking to her echo – we have the neighborhood nuisance dog).

So, needless to say, I’ve put myself in some turmoil and I haven’t even turned in an application!

And I’ve really been struggling lately to have my quiet time and have it be of any quality. I sit down and read and try to pray for family and friends that are sick or have a special need. More times than not, my circle of prayer stops there and I don’t spend any time praying for persecuted Christians, our soldiers involved in wars in the Middle East, our government leaders (Lord KNOWS those ding dongs need our prayers), my Pastor and our church leaders. Half the time I don’t even think to pray for my own kids and my husband! It’s not like God seems extremely far off, I just seem to be struggling to maintain our relationship. I know I need Him more than ever and that I can trust Him to see us through. I KNOW He is FAITHFUL – how many, many times He’s shown me that He is.

So, here I sit late at night – desperately in need of some sleep since we’re taking Kristen swimming tomorrow as a pre-birthday afternoon off from school. But I need to make a thorough list and grocery shop in the morning.  The 6 o’clock will come way too soon and the coffee won’t be strong enough, I’m sure.  On the other hand – if I encourage myself in the Lord – I WILL get plenty of restful sleep.  I WILL get all things accomplished tomorrow and I WILL place my cares on Him because He cares for me!

I find my mind returning over and over to Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to Me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me for I am meek and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Lord, help me to rest and to trust.

That’s What’s Reflecting on the Pond tonight.

Rest for my Soul

It’s been a pretty rough week.  Last Wednesday I went to the doctor for what I thought was adrenal fatigue.  She walked in the room, asked how I was, and I started sobbing.  Hmmmm.  She said what she thinks is going on is really stress-induced depression.  She agreed to run some bloodwork and I agreed to start an anti-depressant.  I wish I could say it was a wonder drug that made me feel as happy as prednizone does.  I spent 4 days with a churning stomach and a week of not sleeping well and not wanting to get off of the couch.  Last night at 5pm I got a burst of energy that had me going until 10:30.  I slept well for the 2nd night in a row.

Emotionally I feel pretty neutral.  Not too high, not low, just steady.  I’m a pretty emotional person, usually upbeat.  This nothingness is really strange.

Back at the beginning of the year when I felt like I was starting on a new adventure and taking that 1st step on the journey of a thousand miles, depression was NOT the journey I thought I was facing!  I have a piece of paper beside my bed that I wrote at the beginning of 2013 that says, “Above all else, my God is FAITHFUL!”.  I know that through out whatever lies ahead -medication, counselling- God is with me.  He holds me with His right hand and helps me.  He loves me unconditionally and will see me through each and every step on this journey.  He will make me strong again.  He will cause me to mount up with wings as an eagle.  I will not grow weary in well-doing.  I will not faint along the way.

Two weeks ago before I’d been to the doctor and while I was feeling overwhelmed and incapable I thought of Jesus words in Matthew 11:28-30 (okay, I had to hunt it down, but I did remember reading it in Matthew)  “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

And That’s What’s Happening on the Hobby Farm

P.S.  Kristen took Present away from me; she said the pig is a bad influence on me.